Impressions

Write about your first week in the Mississippi Teacher Corps.  What are your first impressions?  How has the transition been?  What questions do you still have?

The first two blogs I wrote pretty much summarize the physical aspects of my move to Mississippi and my first impressions of the South.  Those were really easy to write because I was frustrated and whiny and not all too serious.  I've been putting off this blog because I'm not sure I've really been able to process much of this experience yet.  My whole life "The South" has been such a vague collection of ideas about heat, accents, race relations, and lifestyle that I never really felt it existed for me because I was (am) an outsider.  One of my biggest fears is that my status of "outsider" will counteract any small progress I try to make in the classroom.  I don't want to be seen as someone who is coming from the North to save the South.  Or an educated person coming to save the uneducated.  Or a white person coming to save the black people.  Partially because I don't want that to come between me and my students and partially because I don't feel qualified enough to "save" anyone.  I am a person and I want to help other people.  I like science and I want to teach others that science is enjoyable, useful, and comprehensible.  The reason I came HERE to help and to educate is because I feel that this is the place that most needs help and education.  As an American I am ashamed that such disparity exists in my own country & I feel I would be a hypocrite to complain about something and then turn around and ignore it.  My being here, in the MTC, is my way of not ignoring it any longer. 

This last week has reminded me of my personal shortcomings.  Before coming here I knew that I would eventually have to overcome my inexperience & awkwardness, I'm just hoping now that these shortcomings don't negatively affect the students' learning.  I just hope that while I'm here I don't affect anyone negatively, because then, two years of my life will have been completely in vain.

I always have more questions left unanswered.  Mostly this is because they are questions that I need to figure out on my own.  I also have a million questions about the small details of how things will run because I over think and worry about everything.  Do I need to dress up on Monday?  How will I make a curriculum map on my own in the fall when the seconds years did it for us this time?  Should I have asked to get out of class tonight because I'm driving to Atlanta RIGHT after class for my friend's wedding?  Were they sure when they said we can't wear open toed shoes?  Why not?  Believe me, there is nothing scandalous or unprofessional about my toes (not that I have any nice open toed shoes anyways...).  When will I find out what grade I'm teaching in the fall?  Why are there no geology lesson plans on the MTCWiki when I'm fairly certain that "geology" existed last year?  What if I don't find a house to live in in Greenville/Leland?  What if my MTC experience turns out like "Dangerous Minds" and I'm Michelle Pheiffer and one of my students dies in a shooting and I have to take another one out to dinner and they all quote Bob Dylan?  What if I HAVE to go to the bathroom in the middle of a lesson?  What if I lose my temper and tell a kid to shut up?  What if I'm the worst teacher ever, but I still want to stay in the program because I'm completely blind to that fact - will you tell me or will you just wait until I graduate and then hope I promptly leave the teaching profession?

I don't really feel that I can comment of the transition yet because I don't really feel that a transition has occurred.  I still live in a one bedroom, one bath apartment with my husband.  I still eat the same things for dinner that I did back home.  I still play on the internet and talk to my parents just as infrequently on the phone.  Walking around a wealthy, well manicured college campus is nothing new to me.  Going grocery shopping with many different types or people is not new to me.  I feel that the first day I teach will be my first transition and then moving to Greenville will be my second.  Then my life will start changing.

My first impressions are only that I don't belong here in Mississippi.  And then again, in some ways I do.