Reluctant Disciplinarian

This book (The Reluctant Disciplinarian by Gary Rubinstein) was interesting because it reflected a lot of the same ideas and strategies we've been learning about in class.  That was somewhat comforting because many sources of help for teachers are very conflicting.  I don't mind this too much because I like being able to sort through lots of ideas and pull out the ones I think will work for me.  I also like all the different approaches to teaching because it comforts me to know that when I fail miserably, there will inevitably always be new strategies to try.  The part of my brain that desperately needs clear, exact instruction in annoyed and apprehensive (worrying that I will choose the worst parts of all the techniques), but will get over itself.  The mix of specificity and vagueness I'm finding in teaching reminds me of studying geology - yes it is a science with hard and fast rules, but at the same time no one really knows the right answer and every good guess is valid.  I like that.  I like being able to say, "Wow that's an interesting suggestion, maybe I'll try it some time.  But for me, this is working now."

I think it's funny that one of the teacher advice pages in the back of the book had a section about how new teachers should practice their delivery.  Yesterday I watched my videotaped lesson and thought the same thing about myself.  I think that the way teachers speak, gesture, stand, and signal to the class is very closely related to the effectiveness of their classroom management.  I'm going to talk about this more in my video reflection blog.

One part of this book that really made me think was the discussion over whether smiling in the classroom is good or bad.  I know that I tend to be too casual and very expressive, both in and out of the classroom.  My kids (usually) know when I think something is funny and what mood I'm because I'm apparently really bad at hiding it.  Thus far, this has worked out alright for me because the kids get that sometimes I'm willing to have fun learning and sometimes I want a quiet, serious environment.  I know that when I have many, many, many more students this will not work out until they get to know me, and maybe not even then.  So, even though the author was joking about the whole not smiling thing, I think there is some merit there to not showing the kids all of your cards.  Especially because I like what the author said about how important it is to like all of your kids and to never let a kid know (or suspect) you don't like them.  I had a teacher that openly told me he didn't like me in high school and I lost all respect for him.  I remember thinking "What kind of immature, self-centered adult can't keep their emotions in line and has to take out their anger on a kid because they're paranoid and take everything so personally"?  

However, I have almost always been in situations where I have felt comfortable talking to my teachers as equals and I have come to expect genuinely honest, adult conversation from them.  I don't want to offend my students because I am unwilling to be there for them.  The problem with this, is that I think it is crucial that the students respect me (at least in action) and it is hard to expect respect when I often find myself laughing at a joke.  I am very good at not laughing, when I choose to.  I just don't think I shouls swing back and forth every other day between laid back teacher and strict, impersonal teacher - the kids should be focused on learning, not focusing on what kind of mood I'm in from day to day.

I also find it a potential problem that I tend to tell a lot about myself.  I liked in the book when a student asked the author if he was married and he said "I don't know."  If I were a student I would be thinking my teacher was seriously weird if he felt that something as basic as marital status was too personal to tell someone.  I think I error more on the side of revealing too much of my personality, not my life story.  I will tell kids random things I like or don't like, things that are hard for me to figure out, stuff I think is really cool, and things I hate for no particular reason.  This kind of openness could go either way, but I think I agree that it is probably a good idea to hold off on painting myself as a weird, faulted, interesting person right off the bat.  I'll let the students figure that out on their own.